Dope D(f)ucking Drinks — 10,000 gil

Bar buyout — 1,500,000 gil/night
Served HQ, of course. We ain't cheapskates.

Viera Lean — Rumor has it this sussy looking purple mix will have you ready to fuck like a Viera in heat after you down at least 3 of these bad boys. Not recommended in November.House Special Mors — Our Fight Club Approved™ formula with a consistency that's juuuuust a bit thicker than usual is not only DELICIOUS, but you look like a hardass while drinking it. Our deep red drink is sure to spark up a conversation with that Elezen you've been eyeing down for the last 30 minutes. Just hope that they're not secretly a vampire and steal your drink, red's kinda sexy.The Pussy Shit — We get it. You either don't want to taste the alcohol, or you want no surprises in the drink. That's okay! We have a mix of several fruits and fruit juices to mask the flavor of our top-shelf spirits. Served frozen and very pink, ♥ just for you ♥. Kinda gay, but we love the gays here, so go you, royalty.Taste of Thavnair — Milky, smooth, and rich, this cinnamon-infused brew is certain to warm your stomach and your generosity. Mixed with a machete's handle. Why, you ask? Just in case your generosity isn't warm enough. Go bet."The Forbidden Lemonade" — Bruh. Why the fuck do we have this on the menu? This is an adult's bar. Anyway, featuring the option of cursed or uncursed. Pick your poison.Tsai tou Vounou - With a name like this, you know this shit's laced, and you bet our illiterate staff can't even pronounce it right. But, it's got enough antioxidants to make sure you can digest whatever the fuck you're putting in your body tonight. Need I elaborate this?

Fire Fucking Food — 10,000 gil

"Bumber Bifteen" — Burger Bing Boot Bettuce: Bhe bast bing bou bant on bour Burger Bing burger is bomebody's boot bungus. But bas it burns bout, bit bight be bhat bou bet.
Did you have a stroke reading it? Mood.Mmm... Good Soup — Ah, yes. Good soup. Creamier than your egf or ebf after a visit with one of our courtesans, you'll crit yourself uncontrollably when your static pulls you away from the bloodshed to run Savage content. But you will eventually cry because your teammate has a brain stroke and causes you to have Damage Down. Have some pumpkin soup.Sykon Cookie (15,000 gil) — Featuring a concentrated 50mg of Papa Sahn's naturally-sourced HQ Eorzean Boof, you're not gonna find better shit anywhere else. Guaranteed to give you the munchies. See Sahn Uzal for a nice treat 30-60 minutes after consumption.
Not recommended for lightweights. We ain't got babysitters here to help you manually breathe.